I was watching a television program where I heard an individual state “you should hold her accountable.” I pondered the statement and thought about the history of this situation. This individual had made up with her friend and they had agreed on repairing their friendship. Well, with that being said what else would need to be done to hold this person accountable? I realized the individual had left accountability and stepped into holding the other individual hostage. This I believe is an excellent conversation piece because we sometime struggle with discerning accountability from a hostage situation. Accountability is acknowledging what you have done or said and taking responsibility for your actions. This situation typically will parlay into extending an apology because for the most part it encompasses inappropriate behavior.
If you are merely seeking for an individual to be accountable, then you are able to receive the apology and acknowledgment that is made. If you find yourself challenged with the apology and acknowledgement and continue to resurrect the situation, then you have crossed over into holding the individual hostage. You have taken he/she captive and caged them up not allowing the apology and the conversation to be enough.
The poem in Poetry in Different Colors entitled The Blind Spot allows us to see how one can be in denial thus not requiring one to be accountable for the behavior as we will not acknowledge the bad behavior exist. We turn a blind eye to inappropriate behavior because of loyalty or love and allow individuals to go about their day without accountability and this fosters the behavior. There is at least one person who we are guilty of treating in such a way that has allowed him/her to continue to do things which are not appropriate.
The poem When I Can’t See Me has a different feel as it lends itself to one holding yourself hostage. A very interesting concept that you can hold yourself hostage because you can’t get passed who you think you are and the things you believe you’ve done that were wrong or maybe unforgivable. We allow other people to determine our self-worth or lack of and feed into the myth and become our own hostage and worse enemy. I believe that when you hold yourself hostage it is a moment where you find yourself in a state of low self-esteem. Until you find the appropriate key to unlock your mind from the myth of what others have created, you will continue to be a hostage. So what this means for you is to take responsibility for whatever it is you have done, make a change and move forward, that’s accountability. And while you may have moments where you remember certain incidents, you don’t have to wallow in it and allow it to take you back into a hostage situation.
Lastly, the poem This Ain’t That also takes a turn in the book to address the lack of accountability because of the blinders we wear. But invariably as the poem unfolds we take a step forward to own up to the reality and then have the courage to hold others accountable for their behavior. As I stated earlier we can struggle with accountability when we are close to others, whether they are best friends or relatives we operate under false pretenses because requiring accountability seems difficult. Let’s be honest, when we take off the rosy colored glasses and bear out the truth, there is a sense of relief despite the outcome.
It is important to recognize when we are embracing accountability and when we are in a hostage situation. If you want a positive result and a healthy relationship you have to be willing to operate under the guidelines of accountability and not holding yourself or others hostage. Once the situation has been addressed the next step is releasing it and moving forward to a healthier place that allows you to grow. The simplest way to explain this is let it go. Often times you can avoid a hostage situation when you are receptive of taking responsibility and being accountable for your behavior. It is imperative never to serve someone something you do not want to be served; therefore if you want others to be accountable then you must hold yourself accountable.