After the Relationship

So, I was sitting here thinking about a poem I wanted to write for my next book. Oh, did I tell you I’m working on my next poetry book; yes I am. Ok, let’s get back to what’s going on. I was thinking about a poem I wanted to write about relationships and how we sometimes struggle with the idea of “after the relationship.” “Yes, sit down with your favorite beverage, coffee, tea, water whatever because it’s getting ready to get deep up in here!” I’ve done previous posts from my book, Poetry in Different Colors, but I’ve not really touched on romantic relationships, but today is your lucky day.

When we think about relationships and how they make us feel, how the person makes us feel, we can be over the moon and believe without that person life is gloom and doom; we can’t ever be without him or her. Yet, life happens, people change and relationships do end. What’s ironic is many times we forget that we had a life prior to the relationship ergo prior to having that particular person in our life. So, why is life after the relationship a challenge? I believe there are a few reasons we have to acknowledge such as, fear that we will not find someone as good as her or him, we don’t want to be lonely or maybe we have become defined through that person as well as the relationship itself. Let me throw in one more, “self-esteem.” Our self-esteem can seem validated by a relationship and the fact that someone wants to be with us, so we fight to stay in a relationship whether it’s healthy or not.

Today in society we hear of situations involving domestic violence, people who are obsessed with their ex’s which in most cases lead to stalking, in these situations the individual cannot envision life after the relationship. When we go into a relationship with self-esteem, confidence, independence and a true sense of self-worth, we are able to accept the conclusion of a relationship. The problem arises as we take on the mindset of “he completes me,” “I don’t know what I would do without her” or “he’s my life.” This type of thinking sets one up for a hard fall when a relationship doesn’t work out because we have begun to define ourselves by the relationship. How can a person complete you? How can he or she be your life; and what were you doing before that person showed up? The power you give to a person when you make these type of statements sets you up to believe there cannot be life after the relationship. You have become your worse enemy by using these statements while creating a platform of paralysis where you are unable to walk away.

My poem “A Half of A Man” speaks to the woman who will stand for nothing and fall for everything just for the sake of being able to say “I have a man.” This poem is definitely a semblance of low self-esteem and desperation women will embrace. We often just want to be able to say “we’re in a relationship” or “we have a man” or sadly enough someone to come home to. While we’re absorbed in this thinking we lose ourselves and become someone we never intended to become and stay in something we never thought we would. Let’s be clear, though the poem was written in the form of addressing women, this is a scenario that can also happen for men who accept and compromise to have a woman in their life. It’s so important to know you are strong enough to move forward after a relationship and maintain your dignity and all the wonderful attributes you have. Never become consumed in a relationship that you give up being who you are and invest your time in someone from whom you can draw no interest. In the end it’s not wasted time but definitely a bad investment.

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